


Suburban Mating Call: A Perfect Day in the Life

by Lbilover



Series: Suburban Mating Call Series [3]
Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Humor, M/M, perfect day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 02:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10732662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lbilover/pseuds/Lbilover
Summary: Elijah plans a perfect day for Sean, but it doesn't quite work out the way he intended.





	Suburban Mating Call: A Perfect Day in the Life

**Author's Note:**

> For the April 25, 2017 Perfect Day Fest.

Sean wakes up with a start, his inborn paranoia alerting him (even while asleep) that someone is staring at him. It turns out to be Elijah and Boots, sitting cross-legged on the bed (Elijah that is; Boots is sitting tidily and primly upright with her tail curled around her adorable white front paws) and watching him.

"What's wrong?" Sean asks in a panic, sitting bolt upright.

"Nothing's wrong," replies Elijah in a soothing voice. "Just relax, sweetie. Everything's perfectly fine."

"Then why are you sitting there staring at me?"

"Because you are fucking gorgeous, that's why. How can I help staring? Boots agrees with me, don't you, Bootsie?"

Boots meows, but Sean isn't convinced that she's doing it out of anything more than politeness. He knows as well as she does that their angelic ex-garbageman is the gorgeous one. Besides, no one in the history of the human race (with the exception of Elijah, of course) can ever look gorgeous upon first waking up, what with bed head, crusty eyes and that annoying spot of drool that insists on forming at the corner of one's mouth. 

"Seanie," Elijah continues, "do you know what today is?"

"April 25th," Sean promptly (and relievedly) replies. Tax season is over, hallelujah, and he is taking, as he does every year, two weeks vacation to recover from the annual trauma. (Chronically late celebrities seem to take special glee in being even more chronically late than usual when April 15th is just around the corner.)

"That's right. It's the perfect date."

"Huh?" Okay, granted Sean has just woken up, but this simply doesn't make sense. 

"The perfect date. You know, from _Miss Congeniality_."

"Huh?" Elijah has led Sean even further down the rabbit hole of cluelessness

"I can't believe you've never seen that movie, Sean. It's fucking funny. The best bit is when Miss Rhode Island is interviewed by the beauty pageant guy and he asks her to describe the perfect date and she says, 'That's a tough one. I'd have to say April 25th. Because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.' Isn't that the fucking funniest thing you've ever heard, sweetie?" Elijah's heavenly-choirs-of-angels-singing-and-strumming-golden-harps giggle rings out.

But Sean, ever literal minded, replies, "Well, I can't say I agree with Miss Rhode Island, Elijah. It's a good date, certainly - assuming the smog level isn't too high and there aren't any earthquakes, that is - but the perfect date? That's overstating things a bit." 

"Oh Seanie! You - You -" Elijah stutters (sounding rather like Sean when in the initial stages of zoning out from Elijah's extreme angelic hotness) and then he flings himself on Sean and proves that bed head, crusty eyes, drool pockets and even cotton mouth are no deterrent to Mindless Lust.

"I had a plan," Elijah says afterward. "To give you a Perfect Day. We'd do all the shit on your current to-do list: scrub the grout in the downstairs bathroom, level the pictures, rearrange the silverware drawer, and shop for cat food. Then I thought we could hit up that new antique store you read about, go play a round of squash at my parents' house, and have dinner at that snooty French restaurant you like. But I've changed my mind, Seanie," he continues. "I've come up with a much better plan for your Perfect Day. We'll just stay in bed and have mad, passionate, uninhibited sex like a pair of horny geese until we collapse from sheer exhaustion. Doesn't that sound perfect to you?"

It sounds _almost_ perfect to Sean. He is about to suggest that they might squeeze in the silverware drawer rearranging (which has been niggling at him relentlessly of late) when Elijah adds, "After we shower, I'll put on my Wood Waste and Refuse Removal jumpsuit and we can play a game of bored accountant and naughty garbageman," and thoughts of forks, knives and spoons and their relative locations go flying out of his head.

"I can't imagine a more perfect day than that, Elijah," he agrees.


End file.
